Why the FDA Has Approved This Ridiculous Device That Drains Your Food From Your Stomach into the Toilet

Why the FDA Has Approved This Ridiculous Device That Drains Your Food From Your Stomach into the Toilet

OK- let’s get a grip, people. Eat less. Go out and WALK. Every day! Do we really need this new device that pumps your food from your stomach into the toilet before it can be digested??

The FDA has just approved something called the Aspire Assist. It’s an unbelievable contraption that implants a small tube into a person via an opening on the outside of their stomach, to drain their food.

Here’s how it works: for those who absolutely cannot refrain from overeating, around half an hour after eating, users connect the human-food-vacuum-cleaner to their stomach and start up the pump, draining some of the food before it’s digested.



What the heck is going on in the world? I am not entirely skinny myself, but let’s get a grip, people! Go become addicted to trees! Unplug your computer, don’t charge your phone and disconnect your cable, for Realzeez!

On a more disgusting note, there are people around the world who would love to consume some of this half-digested food. They are starving to death. Starving. But for some ridiculous reason we need to have a government-approved vacuum to suck the excess food out of our bodies, because we have so much food available that we just can’t hold back from eating it. ALL of it.

But I am being rude. Obviously people need honest-to-goodness help, it just seems that there MUST be a way to re-program people besides resorting to sucking the half-digested mush of potato chips out through a tube.



All I can say is, hopefully this device is only being used sparingly, perhaps in a hospital setting, and only in very extreme cases. Because, honestly, what at times strikes me even more about the Aspire Assist than the level of ridiculousness we’ve reached in terms of our weight problem in North America, is how this device has the potential to be misused and cause harm.

About 20 million women in the U.S suffer from anorexia and bulimia during their lifetime and about 1 million men- a contraption such as this would be a disaster in the wrong hands.

Lose weight by following your doctor’s advice and this common sense knowledge. These are the same tips we all see over and over again. Yes, more than a third of the American population is now officially obese. But is it just me?? Let’s aspire to keeping the vacuum for the carpet.

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