We’ll help you get through opinionated family members, exploding turkeys, and other questions on human health and social well-being during yet another American Thanksgiving.
Can forcing a smile cause a brain aneurysm?
When Uncle Joe gets into his wild ramblings, encouraged by his bathtub-brewed moonshine, it’s time to call on an important life skill: pretending to smile.
You don’t need to worry about a brain aneurysm if you’re faking a smile for hours, however, as it’s very unlikely. Though it is technically possible, seeing as you’re probably stressed and with high blood pressure – otherwise you’d be smiling for real.
Are piñatas an acceptable form of stress relief for the family?
Piñatas are always acceptable. For a healthy Thanksgiving, fill it with fruit and veggies.
Is celebrating Thanksgiving actually healthy?
Thanksgiving is based on the fable of an ‘amicable arrangement’ between European colonialists and Native Americans. It assures some kind of absolution for non–Native Americans – from guilt in the taking of land, the genocide, the slander, and cultural obliteration.
That can’t be healthy.
…we meant eating wise. That escalated quickly.
You started it with questions about brain seizures.
Fair point. But back to the serious food questions. My next question: are turduckens considered sandwiches?
Okay, so if I have to make a real turkey, can I just throw a frozen bird into a cauldron of boiling oil?
No. The turkey will explode. It’s a common thing every year.
My turkey has exploded.
Denny’s is open 24 hours.
So how do I deal with over-opinionated family members? Or in other words, how much alcohol is too much alcohol?
This can differ from person to person. If some alcohol makes you mellow and introverted, then that’s fine. If even a bit brings out your argumentative or defensive side, it may be best to abstain or forego alcohol this year. You’ll be more perceptive to the madness of family members, too.
We hope you all have a safe and happy Thanksgiving!
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