Sex as an older adult just as sex after pregnancy is different than it was at one time, however, this doesn’t mean that it should or needs to disappear.
Happiness experts agree that a desire for intimacy and touch is important at any stage in life and that losing it isn’t normal.
It can be argued that if you have never had a strong desire for intimacy that there is nothing wrong with still not having one, as you grow older.
However, if intimacy is your thing and now it seems to have wandered off in the woods, it might be a good idea to find it again.
In a study looking specifically at sex and older adults John DeLamater, a sociology professor at the University of Wisconsin – Madison, found that for people who have valued sexual activity throughout their lives, continuing activity provides protection against a sense of aging and loss, and also a sense of continuity in long-term relationships.
DeLamater argues that expressing sexuality should be considered and encouraged among older people and that living arrangements in care facilities should encourage alone time for couples, sexual intimacy, and information on sexual health.
Intimacy, he says, is not a question of age, but of desire.
Not Feeling Up To It?
Feeling desire later in life may come naturally for some and not for others. A lack of desire can stem from many places.
Some individuals feel embarrassed by aging bodies or ‘performance,’ while others suffer from emotional anxiety and depression after the loss of a partner or illness.
Psychological changes can also be a factor when experiencing trouble connecting with your partner. Experts argue that many can overcome these difficulties by being proactive, and keeping an open mind.
Overcoming Obstacles
1) Take Advantage of the Years
With old age comes years of experience. Turn embarrassment on its head and let yourself feel released from unrealistic ideals of youth by using the wisdom you have to tap into your self-confidence. Sex in later years shouldn’t be about re-creating the way things were when you were younger, but about creating new experiences within new parameters.
Think of it as a new time to explore new territory.
2) Broaden Your Definition
Sex doesn’t have to be about intercourse. By broadening the definition in your mind, you may find that you are indeed still actively involved.
Touching, kissing and other intimate contact can be as rewarding for you and your partner and provide emotional and sensory pleasure.
3) Experiment with the New
Take body changes into account for both you and your partner by communicating what works for you and what doesn’t. Find a middle ground. Try positions that work for you both. Try pleasuring one partner at a time. Woman may choose to use lubrication, and for men, sex with females on top may be easier as hardness can be less of a factor.
4) Play
Using playful interaction such as teasing, tickling or role play can help to relax you both, and ease partners into a deeper intimacy.
Have fun- do what you like.
5) Change Your Routine
Try changing the time of day you are involved with your partner, to keep things fresh and tap into your best energy. Keep in mind that the end of a long day may be the most difficult time to feel aroused. Try new times and spaces.
Things to Keep In Mind
Illnesses that involve the cardiovascular system, high blood pressure, hormonal problems, diabetes, depression, or anxiety can affect sex drive and function. Talk to your doctor about approaches in combatting these issues, to see what is safe for you to engage in. It is likely that you are able to engage in more activity than you think.
Medications can inhibit your sense of desire and your ability to become aroused. Talk to your doctor if you suspect you may be experiencing difficulties caused by your medication. As there are many options on the market, it may be possible to switch to an alternative treatment, with less side effects.
Precautions should be taken when engaging in sexual activity at any age, and as an older adult it’s important to be careful. As always, sexually transmitted diseases can be avoided by using protection.
Photo credit: Dmytro Zinkevych/Shutterstock
