Most expectant women who go into a hospital to deliver a baby come out a few days later carrying their child. But not all. The unfortunate reality is that stillbirths are still a relatively common phenomenon in the U.S, with around one in every 160 pregnancies ending in the death of an infant, adding up to a total of 26, 000 infants each year nationwide.
For parents who have just suffered an enormous loss at a time when they have been preparing for exactly the opposite, words can be hard to find. Telling people that your child has died is one of the most heart-wrenching and difficult things that humans are asked to do.
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Millie Smith, a British women who gave birth to twins, knows this to be true. Smith gave birth to twins in April of 2016, but only one of them survived. In Smith’s case, she knew that one of her children was not going to make it in advance as the baby was diagnosed in the womb with anencephaly, a condition where parts of the brain and skull are left unformed.
Still, it did not prepare her to face the world and her loss, once it happened.
It was hard. It was sad- and no one’s fault. She simply didn’t know what to say.
And when she encountered the passing comments of another new mother at the hospital, who, when tending to her own new born, crying twins in the nursery blurted out, “At least you don’t have twins!” Smith felt the overwhelming societal gap that parents who lose an infant are left to face on their own.
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There is often little support. There is no communication for those who have lost an infant soon after birth.
And so Smith, being a goal-setter, has set out to fix this. She started an organization called the Skye High Foundation, in memory of her lost daughter, and invented a way for babies who were part of a set of twins where one twin has died, to be identified easily in hospital.
The method is simple. It involves a purple butterfly that is placed on the cot or incubator of the twin how has lost a sibling. The small logo is an indicator to others visiting the nursery that the parents of the newborn present are simultaneously dealing with the personal loss of a second child.
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The Skye High Foundation, which is based in Britain, hopes to spread the purple butterflies to as many hospitals as it can, and is also raising money to support bereaved families in their time of need.
What is Smith’s ultimate goal, on the road to change? According to an article on bbc.com, it’s to help parents out and get a discussion going about infant death, so that people become more aware about it.
“Even some nurses didn’t know what to say. The thing I am most proud of is that it (the Skye High Foundation) has got people talking about it. I want to support families, the butterfly idea, and anything else that can make a difference,” she said.
Smith is currently enjoying life with her partner Lewis and their thriving daughter, Callie, in Britain.
To learn more about the issue, click here or visit the Skye High Foundation online.
